When the time comes to transition your autistic child into the best adult care program, I know first hand as a caregiver of “Jim” that placement concerns can have “haunting” effects on your overall wellbeing! The “what ifs?” can be overwhelming. But be encouraged because finding peace of mind while still in the decision-making process is attainable. All it takes is a little perspective! And I am confident the following anecdotes will assist you in finding the best fit for your own adult child.

 

Are Others’ Opinions “Goblin” up Your Peace of Mind?

For years, my husband, Tony, and I volunteered too much information about important decisions to “dis-spiriting” personalities. Now, though we still hear an occasional “suggestion,” we enjoy more peace of mind. You see, when we chose to limit what we share, people felt less inclined to press their views on us. The natural result was a reduction in stress while surveying our options. When the time finally arrived to place Jim somewhere, I was so glad we had already pre-determined that, “This is our child and his future; not anyone else’s.”

I am not saying non-professional advice is to be altogether avoided. But when we consider a wider range of suggestions, we can more easily recognize what our true heart’s desire for our son or daughter’s future really is. 

As Jim’s long-time caregivers, we can vouch that forceful opinions can be hard to endure. But I believe a far worse fate would have been if we had listened to our “goblins” and experienced a tragic outcome for Jim.

When we finally closed on a string of careful observations and deliberations with the right support system, the outcome was great. In fact, Jim’s first comment upon stepping into our facility of choice was, “Jimmy’s happy!” 

No more goblins. Only one big happy son!

 

Trick or Treat: Identifying Which Facility Operation is Right for Your Grown Child

While touring various adult care centers, we learned from our son’s then SSA (Service & Support Administrator), Rachel Adams, and Transitions Specialist, Kate Allison (both from the Wood County Board of Developmental Disabilities of Bowling Green, Ohio), that it is wise to carefully observe in-house operations and how they might affect our adult child. Here are the primary observations we made:

 

1. Nightmarish Floor Plans: Our son has been what some might refer to as a “runner.” He has also enjoyed locking doors. So at one of the first centers we visited, Rachel and Kate pointed out that their long hallways with countless doors would likely be a poor fit for Jim and an irritant to others. When we found the place we are now content with, it was a relief to see an open floor plan with only a few lockable doors. 

 

Be sure to consider the impact a floor plan or other site features may have on your son or daughter; whether they could incite behaviors or subdue them. 

 

2. Missing “Parts”: When we first viewed the facility Jim now attends, we found no sensory integration room. (The place was too small to house one). But when we simply asked if they had ever considered purchasing an indoor swing, they said the intent was there, but the need was never vital…that is, until our son arrived. 

 

In the end, they installed a brand new indoor swing; an amenity Jim now enjoys.

 

3. Things That “go Bump” in the…Day? We toured a large facility that promised vocational options for Jim (who loves to stay busy). They also featured a great sensory integration room, which kept him happy while we scanned other rooms. But unfortunately, scores of guests and coordinators filled the main room as loud music played. Jim, with an auditory sensitivity, would not have thrived there. 

 

We concluded that “large = loud.” (Not surprisingly to us: The place Jim now attends features a small, intimate setting for only a few guests at a time. And yes, it is quieter).

 

What About a Group Home? “Such a Drastic Change Sounds Terrifying, But…”

Sharon Moenter and grown autistic son, Fred Moenter

The following is a recent interview with my friend, Sharon Moenter, regarding moving her adult son, Fred, into a group home.* If you are anxiously undecided on that option, I believe her account will bring a level of comfort to your considerations:

Heidi: “While deciding to place Fred, what challenge caused you the greatest amount of stress or uncertainty? And how did you recover from it?”

Sharon: “He was still in high school. His name was on a list, so…we didn’t think we’d have to make [a decision] so quickly…”

Sharon adds that her worries began to vanish when she simply tried a place. In fact, she recalls thinking, “If it doesn’t work out, we can bring him home and try it again.”

Next, like my and Tony’s one experience, Sharon’s first stop proved to have  “…too many people…So it was a better fit for him to be in a four-person home.” 

Thankfully, Fred has now lived in the latter-viewed home for thirty-three years, and loves it. Also, when Sharon wondered if he’d call her every night, missing her, she instead heard crickets. 

She happily concluded at the time, “Ha! He doesn’t need me!”

 

Sharon’s best advice for interested parents is “Start investigating early!”

 

In Conclusion: We can Give Placement Anxieties the Boooooooot

Pursuing the right adult care center for your grown child can be daunting. Issues or concerns arise, which, if we allow them, will disrupt our quality of mind and heart. But with the power of perspective, we can actually calm down and enjoy the transition.

Whatever the future you are hoping your adult child will have…

“Hold the vision. Trust the process” (unknown author).